Talking with your partner
Men and women communicate in very different ways. Women place a lot of emphasis on first impressions and in this situation even a neutral reaction may be seen as a lack of support. One woman said she had an abortion because her partner’s first reaction was “Okay, I don’t mind either way”. Another because her partner casually said “If you want” and changed the subject. Both women took this casualness to be a lack of interest and support, but found out later that all their partners needed was time to adjust to the new situation. If you really want to help your partner you should talk openly and frankly, get as much information as possible and don’t base your decision on the results of one conversation. Above all ask your partner to give you time to think things through.
You may feel that, because of the way society has labelled abortion as a ‘woman’s issue’, your partners decision has nothing to do with you. You may think that your partner should be taking this decision on her own. But is this true?
With many couples the responsibility for an abortion decision also rests with the man because few women will have an abortion against the wishes of a supportive partner. Her response will depend on how you react. What your partner needs to know is what you truly think. Saying “whatever you want” still leaves the weight on her shoulders.
Your partner needs reassurance that you are not planning to abandon her. That you care enough to face with her the consequences of your sexual relationship.
Effects of Abortion
Guilt and hurt after an abortion can drive couples apart, especially if one partner was unsure about the decision.
An abortion due to foetal abnormality can undermine a man’s confidence in himself and he can come to think he has failed in many ways – a failure as a partner, a failure as a father, a failure as a man.
Making your decision
If you really want to help your partner, be honest with her. This is a tough and confusing situation.
If you would like to talk with a counsellor contact us. *