The choice you have to make about your unplanned pregnancy is not an easy one. It's not just about the practical problems that a baby brings. It's also about your feelings. beliefs and personal values. The information given here is to help you explore what each option might mean for you in your situation. but it is important that you also take into account deeper emotional concerns.
There are three options open to you. Parenting, Adoption and Abortion
Parenting
Many people look forward to having children at some time in their lives but deciding to keep a baby that wasn't planned is a responsibility many of us may feel unprepared for. It can seem even more difficult if there are other concerns such as finances, housing, health, college or career. Practical help is available that may ease some of the problems and make the prospect of parenting a possible option.
Financial help....
If you are on a low income. there are benefits designed to help mothers with children. You can find out more by contacting your local Benefits Agency, an advice centre (such as CAB), or your local pregnancy counselling centre, where clearly explained leaflets may be available.
Housing....
Financial help is available for those on a low income who pay rent. Housing advice, including advice about possible homelessness, can be obtained from your local council. You can make an appointment to talk to someone about your situation and be accompanied by a counsellor from your local pregnancy counselling centre if you wish.
Health care....
Every expectant mother is entitled to free health care before and after the birth. Midwives, doctors and health visitors can help you with the pregnancy, birth and labour, as well as with caring for your baby later. If you work, you are entitled to time off for antenatal appointments. You'll be given the opportunity to attend parentcraft classes too. Some are especially for teenagers.
Childcare....
Single parents who wish to get back into work having been on benefits can receive help with childcare costs, and looking for a job. The Social Services Dept. can help direct you to local childcare facilities.
Continuing with your job or education....
Many colleges allow you to defer your course until you are able to resume your studies. Childcare facilities may be available. If you are working, you may be entitled to maternity leave and pay.
Clothes and Equipment....
Baby clothes and equipment can be very expensive. Your local pregnancy counselling centre may be able to offer you some second hand equipment and clothes in good condition. Ask for further information about what's available.
Support....
We all need people to support us through difficult times. You may have a supportive partner or family, but, if you don't, a befriender from the local pregnancy counselling centre can visit you, and provide support for as long as you wish.
Final thoughts....
Becoming a parent isn't just about practical considerations - there are also emotional ones. It's about the pleasure of having a baby to care for and nurture, how you feel deep down about being a mother. It may be important for you to look past the circumstantial problems and think more carefully about what being a mother means for you.
We offer practical help
We can also give practical support, both during and after pregnancy, including help with baby equipment, information, support with family difficulties or someone to be alongside you as a 'good neighbour'.
Adoption
Add item on open adoption if accurate
Check 6 weeks old statement, what do management team have to say
Many women immediately say 'I could never do that" when they think of adoption. But for some parents, adoption can be a very positive choice. It can be their chosen means of providing the best for their baby.
Perhaps you wonder what's involved with adoption? Maybe you have questions in your mind similar to those below?
What happens if I'm not sure about adoption?
You don't have to decide during your pregnancy. This is a time for looking at adoption as a possible option, and finding out what's involved. You don't need to decide finally until your baby is six weeks old. You will have time to consider whether this choice is right for you and your baby.
What kind of life would my child have?
Studies have shown that the vast majority of adoptions work out happily, and that adopted children do well in life. Prospective parents are selected very carefully. Sometimes there are problems, as in 'ordinary' families, but these may not be due to adoption.
Would I always think about my child?
You would always remember your child, but these thoughts needn't continue to be painful ones. It would be natural for you to feel some grief and loss initially, but you would be more likely to feel consoled by the fact that you gave your child a positive start in life by providing a family and a future.
Adoption means I don't care about my child, doesn't it?
Adoption means you do care. You would not be rejecting your child as unwanted, but putting him or her first by ensuring they receive what you feel unable to give at this present time. It is a responsible and caring choice.
So what's involved?
Adoption is a legal process which provides a child with new parents. It is arranged by the Social Services Dept. or a voluntary adoption agency. If you are considering adoption, you can arrange to see a social worker who will spend time with you discussing the procedure and answering your questions. You can do this during your pregnancy.
If you decide to pursue adoption, the social worker will ask questions about you and the baby's father. This is so that your child can know as much as possible about his or her origins. You will be asked what sort of parents you would like for your child and later be told about the prospective adopters, possibly even meet them if you wish.
What happens when the baby is born?
You may be able to choose what arrangements you would like in the hospital, such as whether to care for and feed your baby for a short while.
When you leave hospital, the usual arrangement is for your baby to be looked after by a foster mother. This would normally be for a period of six weeks. You can visit your baby during this time so that you can be sure about your decision. In exceptional cases, your baby might go straight to prospective adopters.
What happens then?
If you have decided to go ahead with the adoption, the agency will place your baby with the prospective adopters who then apply to the court for an adoption order. The court is able to make an adoption order when the baby has lived with the adopters for at least three months.
You do not have to attend court. The court will send a social worker, called a 'reporting officer', to make sure you agree with the adoption and ask you to sign a formal document.
What if I change my mind?
If you change your mind before the time your baby is placed with adopters, you can normally have your baby live with you immediately. If you change your mind during the three month period after placement, the court would ask more questions about your reasons and the judge would decide the matter. Once granted, an adoption order cannot be reversed.
What about the future?
Your child will most likely be brought up knowing he or she is adopted. You may be able to receive news and photos from time to time, if the adopters agree. The child will have a 'life book' telling him or her about you. When the child is 18, he or she can see the birth certificate and trace you if they wish.
If you want to know more about adoption, the British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) publish a leaflet called 'Pregnant and Thinking about Adoption?' Counsellors at your local pregnancy counselling centre can talk about this option with you and provide support throughout your pregnancy, the birth, and for as long afterwards as you need.
Abortion
What's involved?
In Britain, many women each year decide to end their pregnancies by having an abortion. About half of these take place in NHS hospitals and the remainder in private clinics. Methods of abortion used vary according to the stage of pregnancy and what's available in your area. Below is a general description of methods used at different stages, but you will need to check details with your GP or local pregnancy counselling centre. Before an abortion, you are required to sign a consent form. Two doctors also have to agree to the procedure.
Early abortion,...
Before the 15th week of pregnancy, the termination is usually done under general anaesthetic, which means you are asleep. After the neck of the womb has been gently opened, a tube is inserted into the womb and the contents are removed by suction. In a few clinics, a suction abortion can be performed with a local anaesthetic, which means that you stay awake during the procedure. After an abortion, you may experience bleeding and pain similar to period pain.
RU486
This is a method of abortion which may be more widely used in future. It is only suitable for those under 35 years of age and who are less than 9 weeks pregnant. A tablet is given orally, followed by a vaginal pessary 36-48 hours later. The abortion takes place within 4-8 hours, usually with bleeding and stomach cramps similar to a heavy period. A check-up is given 8-12 days later.
Later abortions....
Abortions after 15 weeks are either done surgically under general anaesthetic. or by induced labour and delivery. Abortion is illegal after 24 weeks of pregnancy except for foetal abnormality or if the mother's life is in danger.
What are the risks?
In a few instances the following physical complications may occur:
 |
infection; antibiotics are given routinely after an abortion but if infection is persistent. it can lead to infertility in a very small number of women |
|
unusual bleeding. which may need further treatment |
|
damage to the cervix. which can lead to future miscarriages |
|
some studies show a higher susceptibility to breast cancer. |
Emotional Effects
Most women feel relief after an abortion but later some women find difficulty coming to terms with the experience. They may have a sense of loss, anger, grief, guilt, shame or sadness.
Some women are tearful. have bad dreams or find it difficult to be near babies or pregnant women. Others report wanting another baby straight away. Anniversary dates can be difficult times. Relationships can be tense or even break down.
Post-abortion stress can occur in women who:
|
felt under pressure to do what someone else wanted |
| were uncomfortable with abortion before they became pregnant |
|
felt dictated to by their circumstances |
|
had strong maternal feelings they tried to 'keep down' |
|
had previously suffered from depression |
|
had a late abortion or one for foetal abnormality |
Foetal Development....
It may be important for you to understand more about foetal development so that you know how you feel about it in relation to abortion. If so. the leaflet The First Nine Months gives this information sensitively and is available from your local pregnancy counselling centre or from CARE Confidential on 0800 028 2228. Check phone number